No apologies needed!

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In light of mental health awareness week, my news feed is full of insightful pictures and quotes.  This was one of my favorites so far.
Dude has had a really rough start to the week, after missing school sick last week, getting him back has been even tougher than I expected.
Pure anxiety and panic, resulting in hell for the family, but most of all him.
I’ve learned that there are things I can control as his mother (respect, tone of voice etc), and things I really have no control over (moods, etc). As a woman and especially a mother accepting I can’t control things has been tough. Tougher than I thought, but with accepting it I’ve found a bit of peace, and some more patience.
We’ve spent a lot of time talking about perseverance , and remembering it will be ok.
I have no control over the mood swings, none. And neither does he. Anyone that says we do, is wrong. After the mood leaves we talk at length, and he even has to accept the way he’s made others feel during the mood, though I am aware he can’t control them, we are working really hard on being respectful and appropriate tone even in the moment.
So we talk, we talk a lot.
We talk alone, we talk as a family, we talk with his little sister.
The one thing that is very apparent, even in the tough moments is he is sorry, he is devastated by his behavior when he’s in the throws, he’s aware that that’s not the true Dude.
The other obvious thing is he hates feeling this way. He wants to be well.
He will repeatedly say during a down sewing “I don’t want to feel like this”, “I’m so sorry”, “please make it stop!”, as the tears stream from his eyes, it’s extremely hard to console him while still trying to be successful in getting him through.
It sucks.
Its hard.
And we do it!
This journey is not about me, no I can quite honestly say that and that I’ve not once pitied myself. Yes I feel horrible and shed a lot of tears for the boy that hasn’t had a chance to just be a kid. Its a process, a grieving process. But acceptance brings peace.
Back to the photo attached. If you are battling, don’t be sorry.
It is more than ok to apologize for the behavior in the moment, but never ever apologize for your illness and what it does to you, how it makes you feel,it is NOT your fault.
I remind Dude every time we hit bottom, that I accept his apology for being rude in the moment, but theres no need for apologies for how he feels. Your feelings are real, feel them, work through them.
If you need therapy, medication,etc or even if you don’t to get through your battle, don’t apologize, don’t be ashamed.
Reach out, talk, there’s those of us willing to listen and hold you up in your darkest moments, and cheer you on in your best!

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3 Responses to “No apologies needed!”

  1. randi Says:

    Thank you so so much! I am at an institution with our son for the fourth time. He is 12. For the first time, i feel that the doctors and therapists begin to understand what i have been saying and tried to explain for several years. He has terrible moodswings, sometimes it changes in few minutes. We have listened to the profesionals saying that we have to be more strict, we have to say no, we have to be more consistent with him. We have tried so hard to tell them that there is no problem saying no to him when he is “down”, calm and in a good mood. No we are in a new institution, and they observe the same things that we have lived with for many years. When i read what you write, i cant stop crying. You are writing about our life, about our dear, sweet and kind boy. Thank you, this made me feel less alone. All my love to you and your family! Sorry for my bad vocabulary, not so often i write in English;) Hugs from Randi, Norway

    • bestkids Says:

      You are not alone, if I could cross an ocean to support you I would! Not sure if you read previous posts but my son has also been hospitalized and that has always been the hardest thing for me. You are his mother, never forget when it comes to your child, you are the expert πŸ™‚ big hugs from over here!

      • randi Says:

        Smiling πŸ™‚ Its a big ocean to cross, but i think i just recived your hugs! πŸ˜‰ Night time in Norway now, have to get some ours of sleep, ready for a new day. This day have been horrible, a nightmare of moodswings and tantrums. But tomorrow is a new day! Hugs:)

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