Let it go…

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This journey is teaching me just who I want to be, who I am.
This journey is full of reflection and lessons.  Though dude is the one battling,  I to as his mother have had to go along for the ride.
This journey has taught me. Yes education on mental illness, bullying and so much more,  but so much more on a personal level .  This journey has brought so many things into my mind and soul, that without this path I’m not sure I would have.
Like I’ve said before I’m a giver, a people please for sure. Those things I would still be. But would I have the compassion, the empathy, the courage, the passion without having a child that has unique, severe and complex issues that I’ve had to handle and learn about with g tree create, come to peace with it all?  No I truly don’t think so.
Would I still care about others, stand for the underdog? Yes I’m sure I would but not to the extent I do. And not because I didn’t care, but because I truly wouldn’t /couldn’t understand.  I tell dude all the time, as he says no one understands, That no I really don’t, I can’t, but I sure try. And that’s how I feel about people who don’t walk this path. Yes some care, some try, and most aren’t cruel at least.  But no one can truly understand what another is going through. Even if they’ve gone through similar.
It’s hard as a parent to not take things personally.  It’s harder for a parent of a special needs child.  It’s hard when you see or hear jokes, it’s hard when I hear people throw around “they’re mental “, “they need a shrink” “are they retarded? “, and the jokes and innuendoes about physc wards, crazies etc. Every time I see something like these or hear a comparison using an illness or disability ,my heart hurts a bit, and Yes I get angry.
I get angry and hurt, because ultimately my child will hear these things, and feel shame, embarrassed, hurt, judged and so on. We don’t toss physical illness around nearly as lightly as we do mental illness.  Guess what?  The jokes aren’t funny. They actually are mean,  and make you look like an ass to those that deal with it.
This is one thing on this journey I am really struggling with. Struggling to not take all everything in this regard personally. To not correct everyone who makes these comments. It’s a hard one for me, because I want every single person to get it. And I know that’s impossible, and I know that’s not my job.
When I talk about certain things in parenting,life,etc they pertain to dude, or other’s like him. Not the general population. Not your typical child.  So when I see things that I take a bit to personally, or that pull on my heart, I need to take a breath and remember the opposite,  they aren’t referring to children like dude.
I do speak up when it’s offensive, completely ignorant, or extremly hurtful.  I will continue to be a voice for those that need a loud one while they fight silently. But I’m trying damn hard to not get hurt, and take everything so personally while I stand tall on this journey.  No shame here!

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