Random thoughts and invisible illnesses.


I don’t think I’ll ever stop explaining.  On one hand it pisses me off that illnesses even have to be explained to make it so those with invisible illnesses don’t get weird looks, rude comments and judgement. The other side is if I talk and explain maybe someone, somewhere will listen and think before they give that look, or.judge something they don’t understand.
I’ll be honest, I explain dude’s illness so people realize (hopefully ) that it’s not my parenting, because yup I feel judged when certain behaviour arises. I need to let that go. But as a parent none of us want to feel like others question us.
There’s reasons  special needs parents parent different from the norm. Because yes there’s special needs!  I believe we all parent each of our children, typical or not, different because they are all their own person.
But I’ve felt judged, frowned upon from everything from not letting him cry it out at bed time, not forcing foods, to not being hard enough on him.
Here’s what I know now. Many typical parenting tactics amplify his anxiety and bipolar.
His behavior is a direct result of his state at the time.
OK not always, he’s 12 with a bit of attitude, but I’m talking in general, and yes before someone thinks it, we do discipline those behaviors, no he doesn’t get to do whatever get wants. 
The more dude learns about his disease, the more he is becoming confident in realizing though he may have bipolar, bipolar is not who he is. 
It’s been very cool hearing him ask questions to figure out if certain things are bipolar related or something else.
It’s pretty incredible to see the relief he now has, knowing why he is the way he is. I never thought of it before, but how frustrating to not understand why you feel the way you do. The rages are much less, I think in part because he has the knowledge, in part he’s getting the tools to get through.
This is not a disorder for the faint of heart, it is not pretty, or easy or fun. And that’s just for the parents, I can’t imagine how it is for him!
But the kid amazes me.
With his new knowledge he’s talking more about how he’s feeling, and life in general. 
One thing that breaks my heart and makes me see red is that there are people who will say he chooses this. Are you kidding me?! What children sits down as a toddler (because that’s when it all started ) and says “hey wouldn’t it be fun to have special needs, you know and not get it,feel crazy, maybe try to kill myself,  oh and even better if people make fun of me, and treat me like crap. I don’t wanna be like the other , nah laughing, smiling? That’s not for me! ” yes I’m sure he loves it. I know some people would say it meaning he’s not wanting to get out of a state.  It’s not a light switch people. It takes a lot of work to get through those cycles, and it’s far from easy or fun!
I’m sure anyone with an invisible illness would love a quick, easy fix. They would love all the claims floating around to be true. If any thing they would love to not suffer, and constantly explain themselves (or loved ones).
Truth is my child has more strength and determination than most of us. Truth is the people with these illnesses would love for it to be as simple as seeing the positive, mind over matter, etc.
Reality is it’s not.
Reality is not everyone will get it, some won’t even try.
But there are plenty that will.
Plenty of kind hearted, caring people that will care enough to even if they don’t understand, will be there. Who will stand up. Who will listen. Who will walk the.path with you.  Who will do whatever they can to make it easier for you. Who care enough to listen, check in and love you unconditionally. 
Those are the ones that matter.


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