Love/hate holidays


Holidays scare me.
I love them too but Oh the stress they add.
I love the time spent with family, I love the joy in the kids faces.
But there’s a nagging fear.
As any parent can attest they’re fun,exhausting and yes there’s typically a bit of melt down from the kids at some point.  We all know it,we all dread it.
The thing is we want our kids to be well behaved and well mannered. Nothing wrong with that,but here’s this mom’s truth.
In the bipolar world holidays can be beyond overwhelming!
Dude goes so hypo manic with the excitement in the morning, I fear the neighborhood will be woken at 430 am. Typically with his manic excitement we throw in some anger, together these are hard to manage.
Once the first stage of the day is finished, we have the let down, add a bit more mania, and a dash of anger.
This is just our morning with the four of us, I don’t worry so much.
It’s when we join as a family I start to panic a bit.
He cycles rapidly during exciting days, he love’s the fun it brings, he loves time with cousins.
But that excitement makes the cycles hard to manage.
That’s where we as parents stress.  We almost try to over compensate his moods, which Yup make them worse.
In talking with a friend who to has bipolar I got some good insight of how the day is for my son.
The noise, the people, the keeping it together is extremely hard. So when Dude takes his time alone I know why. Sometimes he’ll eat with us, others not.  Whatever works to make the day smooth!
We always leave early,  not because I don’t want to visit and enjoy the time with loved ones. 
But because Dude is still on his routine, because he needs time to come down off the high, and because we have to deal with the next day.
And if I’m totally honest I am so tired by the time it’s done, from the extremely early morning, to the keeping tabs,helping  him stay  in a good state, on guard waiting for anger or rage,ready to diffuse it if it arises  and most of all because I’ve been quietly stressing all day.
Funny thing is everyone at the function gets it, is patient, is kind.
So why do I still stress about it?
I wish I knew!
I think it’s a bit of just wanting a smooth all around good day (I hate any kind of confrontation, or I’ll ease ) a bit of wanting things to go just right, and more of just wanting my child to enjoy the day without a battle inside!
Today I’m gonna take it as it comes.



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