Control freak with add and a side of anxiety.

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I am a control freak.

Here’s the thing, I have to have a very rigid schedule, things very predictable and structured to successfully adult, because adulting is over rated and not as easy as we are led to believe.
I also have severe add.
I’m a control freak with add, and a side of anxiety.

But guess what? Bipolar disorder isn’t structured or scheduled. And learning disabilities don’t follow the calendar.
Dammit anyways!

This year our son with the above has transitioned from public to homeschooling.
A control freak, add mother homeschooling a bipolar, OCD, spd, severely anxious child? Almost sounds like a sitcom in the making, but nope it’s the reality show of my life.

I, the control freak, add mother, am now in control of his education. Seriously? Who thought me being able to adult was a good idea?

It almost makes me laugh. I hate the boxes we try to conform ourselves and mostly our children to, yet I am trying to cram the way he is learning at home into that invisible box that is the typical school calendar. I laugh at myself because part of the reason he’s home is to be able to work at his pace, the other part is to relieve the trigger that is the pressure the typical school setting.
Yet the control freak comes out everyday and I do just the opposite!

Don’t get me wrong, he’s 14, I’m not about to hand over the education reigns completely over to him! No way! Because if he was given the reigns his classes would be ice cream testing, video game 101, and music 201!
But we’ve done a new schedule every week for the last three weeks because I must have a schedule. And it must be followed…
No room for computer outages, no room for a rough day, no room for error! Who am I kidding? “really self?”  I say to myself,  “you are maybe being a bit ridiculous!”.
I have been having some serious self conversation with my control freak self. Because guess what? Life doesn’t follow my damn schedule, that’s what!

Work happens, yes I’m a homeschooling mom whose not even home to school, ha!
Technical difficulties happen, and shit happens! Often that appears to mean my two days off are spent pressuring, nagging and cramming his education into a few short hours. Because that’s helpful!
I fight not to tell him how to do it quicker (you do know that it’s really easy to skim and answer when homeschooling right?),  all to appease that dreaded due date. Yes the due date I’ve set.
So far I’ve refrained from telling my child to cheat or take the quick and easy route to get done faster, so far I’ve been an adult. See again I ask, who thought putting me in charge of adulting was a good idea?
Not to mention I’ve time travelled back to grade 9! And I don’t even know how I passed grade 9!
I’m a business woman, a florist, a mother and a control freak with add and a side of anxiety. Not a teacher for heavens sake!

But guess what folks? It’s what my kid needs, so a quick study I shall be! I guess I’ll be getting both a grade 9 education and an education education all at once. Bring it on!

Life is about curve balls changes, like I said it doesn’t seem to care about my damn schedule. So I suppose I will put myself into control freak recovery, maybe even buy myself a mug, and simply control only the things I can control. Like my add with a side of anxiety.

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