Archive for November, 2015

Oh well!

November 9, 2015


I am finding myself in this new phase of parenting. I truly believe that the core of ones parenting is in the formative years, and now at 12 & 14, I find myself not having to “parent” so much as guide and support. I believe my children’s person has been there since the day they were born, I also watch in awe at the person they now are.
As the parent of a high needs child, I look back at where we were, I see where we are today and I look forward with hope.
Parenting is chalk full of not knowing 100% what to do and how to do it.
All one can do is try. And I believe that oh wells are far better than what ifs!

Travelling the journey we have with dude, we’ve been faced with numerous hard decisions, when all we had to go on was crossed fingers. Yet we always dove in, if it couldn’t hurt, we’d do it.
Should we try this therapy? This medication? This test?
We have had a lot of oh wells.
But we’ve also had a lot of ah has!

Without taking those leaps, being willing try, we wouldn’t have our child here today.

I appreciate that diagnosis and treatment can be overwhelming and scary.
Often our first defence is denial, because truly in our hearts we wish perfect lives for our children. I also appreciate that the sooner you can work through that denial and onto acceptance, the better off it is for your child.
Denying the illness, disorder, etc will not benefit your child.
I also completely understand disagreeing with professionals from time to time, I know I have.
I always like to remember what my sons doctor explained to us when he was very young, and pass it on to parents ; diagnosis of children is extremely complicated. It may be years before the final and most accurate is made. Children’s brains develop differently, they also change while doing so.
With that information it’s good to remember that diagnosis can change as the brain develops. That doesn’t mean that a previous diagnosis is incorrect, it means that at that time it was a fitting one.
For example my sons doctor will seldom  diagnosis certain mental illness before a certain age, bipolar is one in which he airs on the side of caution when diagnosing. The only reason my son was diagnosed at 12, is because we had worked closely with the same doctors and therapists for 6 years, and his symptoms had always been the same, but at that time they were very clear cut bipolar symptoms.
Some diagnosis are made young, as they should be (autism, aspergers, SPD, etc).  Those diagnosis are imperative to early intervention and treatment. We had a handful of those and more as well. But others you have to bide your time to get to.
Along the way you may have a diagnosis that fits the symptoms present at that time. Another example ; my sons initial diagnosis included adhd, which is now taken out as those symptoms have evolved and are encompassed in his current diagnoses.
It’s tricky and complicated, and at times damn confusing . And a lot of work!  The journey tries your patience, it drains you. But honestly, as difficult as it all is, accepting and trying all you can, is worth it. Your child is worth it.
I will always take the oh wells over the what ifs when it comes to trying to help my child grow to be successful in his journey.
If it doesn’t all work, oh well!