Archive for January, 2016

Let’s talk, just for a moment.

January 27, 2016


I talk. A lot.
I talk because I’ve watched my child, my baby boy, fight for his life, for his entire life.

I find comfort and peace in talking. I do my best to explain mental health and illness, often complex, to try just try to get through to just one. One who need to know their not alone, or one who needs a gracious education. Because frankly if you or a close loved one hasn’t been affected, mental illness just isn’t something that is easy to understand. But I can’t just sit silently and do nothing, while it continues to be such a mis understood concept in society.
I talk. A lot. Mostly about my son. Not to often about myself. His diagnosis at a young age of severe anxiety, spd, ocd, major depression which morphed into full blown rapid cycling bipolar at age 12.
But here’s something many don’t know, it’s tough on a mama’s mental health too. And this mama has struggled with hers long before he came along. And here’s a few things even fewer know, and fewer yet know in depth.

I have seen my share of darkness, I’ve been raped, robbed at gun point, been suicidal, had anorexia, I’ve lost to many friends to suicide, I’ve lost some my biggest supporters, I have been alone in the darkness, I have spent years in therapy, and live with anxiety and add and maybe a bit of ptsd still.

So I talk. A lot .
I talk because I know. I talk because I survived. I talk because I want change and support and understanding of the importance of mental health. I talk because I want more people than not to understand that mental illness is no less real than physical, it can take you out just as fast.

I was lucky to be surrounded by a family that gave a damn. A family who walked me back to the light, who still does. But now they walk beside me while we navigate the cruel world of my son living in a world that just doesn’t quite get it. They prop me up when he crashes, which typically turns into my panic. I have that family. Not everyone does, and that is something I just can’t wrap my head around. So for those without the support, I talk. I talk for those who can’t or those to afraid.

I was lucky enough to not have a lifelong battle, but it was long enough. And long enough to prepare me for being the mother of a child who will have a lifelong battle.

So yes I talk. A lot .
And don’t expect me to shut up.

Here’s my post from last year


Bipolar STILL lives here.

January 24, 2016

Right now, life is well. But yes bipolar still lives here.
Looking at where we were last year, I’ve come to realize crisis and crashing times are soon forgotten, but when they are remembered, they are remembered as if they were yesterday.
You see when the monster that is bipolar resides under your roof, things happen and change so quickly you don’t have time to process the shifts before the next shift has engulfed you. Bad and good shifts. Getting comfortable is not likely an option. Being vigilant, present and aware are always here.
But I have chosen instead of holding my breath for the next shift, the shoe to drop if you will, to cherish and embrace every moment of this current and good shift.
There’s no way to tell when bipolar will crash down our stairs, but even while I sit and reflect and embrace the good, I
am and must be still very aware that yes bipolar still lives here.