Archive for June, 2016

Time out of reality.

June 26, 2016

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With the school year ending and getting nearer to our little cabin in the woods being ready, it’s time again for me to unplug a bit.

This has been a learning year. A year where we stepped away from the traditional school system for our Dude and opted to start schooling at home.

I won’t lie. It hasn’t gone quite according to this mama’s plans.  But then does anything really with parenting, especially a child with unique needs?

Homeschooling is definitely not what I thought in our future, I am definitely not this good teaching mom. I actually suck at it. It’s not something I typically encourage even.

Self discipline isn’t a 14 year olds strong suit, let alone one whose got a brain that works completely different from the norm, one that over works 24/7. Or ones whose parents both work, who can’t be there constant reminding them to be on task.

I struggled immensely with the time lines, with structure, with almost everything being a homeschooling parent meant.
I beat myself up a lot. For a long time.

Then after hearing numerous wise words from people who are my support. I accepted that I can’t be all and do all.

I also came to realize that somethings are far more important than grades or finishing a grade on time. And those things were things we were seeing in our child for the first time in many years.  We saw happiness, stability and even a bit of confidence.

And it dawned on me; his health and happiness is priority. 
I’m not saying schools unimportant, far from it. 
I’m simply saying a break from pressure, stressors or triggers are not a bad thing, no matter your age.

When you are 14 and lived through and with what our 14 year old has, if he was an adult, he’d be having a break. Working on his work in a different way.

So I let that sink in and  let societies expectations go. That was tough.
I took a step back and accepted that a year of a slower pace is not the end of the world I thought it was. I took a step back and saw what a difference these few months have made and that what really matters had actually been accomplished. That life is to precious and short to worry about my or anyone else’s preconceived notions of childhood/teenage hood, life in general.

We are good.  Good for the first time in 9 years. And I’ll take that over almost anything.

And with that it is time to sign off for the summer. It is time to focus on recharging the soul ❤

Be you.

June 13, 2016

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Once upon a time I tried to fit what everyone around me thought I should be. Be it an athlete, horse lover,or anything in between. And it was maddening.
We all at some point try to fit a mould that doesn’t make quite fit us. Breaking that mould and making your own is not only freeing, but life changing.

I also had a pretty good idea of what kind of parent I was going to be and what kind of children I would have.

And then I had children.

They had a different plan.

The eldest brought differences, and acceptance of such, to the forefront of our lives.
We have witnessed judgement, criticism, stigma and stereotypes. Simply because he has an illness others can’t see. We’ve fought for 12 years to save his life. Not only from his illness, but from others cruelty.
He’s not alone. In his illness or simply by not being what society deems the norm.
Different is not bad.

Because of that I refuse to groom my children to March to anyone’s drum but their own, and I have learned to lead by example.  I am me, they are them and you are you.
 
We are allowed to be ourselves. We are allowed to be different. We are not less because of.

Because of the child I was blessed with,  I see the world a bit differently, I firmly believe that different is good. I believe that being the same is not all its cracked up to be. That the world is a much more beautiful place when you just accept differences. Others and our own.

I honestly don’t care if you understand others or not. I just don’t.  You don’t need to.
What do I care about?  Empathy.
It seems to be lacking to often.

No one, ever, deserves to be harmed, physically, mentally or emotionally because another doesn’t understand them. Someone marching to a different beat does not give others the right to burn them over the coals.

I am really not concerned with your religion, your race, your sexuality or status.  What I am concerned about is kindness towards others. Non of the above give others the right to persecute. We are not God, and sorry we are not so important in our ways that others ways are wrong.  Race,religion, sexuality,  status or any other difference are not  reasons to be hurtful or harmful. And using them as a reason to be so,is a damn poor excuse.

I do believe if we all thought the same thoughts, felt the same way and liked the same things; or world would be a very robotic, bleak and scary place.

I do believe in the right to personal opinions.  However I struggle to understand them being used to hurt others. Again difference in opinions doesn’t allow cruelty.

I know I see the world differently.
I know not everyone agrees.
I know our world can’t be all sunshade and rainbows.
I know though that kindness is far better than hatred.
I know that love and compassion is a nicer feeling than fear or hate .
I also know that different can be amazing.

Be brave enough to be you.  And be brave enough to let others be them.

Just be well.

June 1, 2016

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Ya I  know, it’s now June.  Forgive this chaotic mother for missing my most important awareness month by a day.

If you have read my site for some time, you are well aware of how I feel, you’re also well aware that the initial meme  (solely the top of the above picture) sends me into a bit of defensive mode. (So thank you ranela, whoever you are for this version)

Why do things like that inital post send me to a defensive place? They are mostly well intended after all.

For many reasons.

First we all know nature is wonderful. It’s medicinal and it’s calming.  I head out to live in a trailer surrounded by trees for 2 months every year because it’s good for my soul, and good for my children’s.
I know how wonderful and soothing nature is for my multiple diagnosed child. If he could live in a tree house, he would. But it would have to have wifi….

I get it, nature is good.
I also get that sometimes it’s just not enough. If you happen to be one of those people who it is enough for, wonderful.
  For my child, many others, and even myself, it is not. Many illnesses are based on chemistry and/or the inner workings of one’s brain. Those things you can not treat solely with nature. Nature and other such things are most definitely a helpful tool, and yes even one type of anti depressant, but believe me, there’s many others.

Unfortunately as of 2016 trees don’t emit brain leveling chemicals needed to function. And grass has yet to grow the array of wires needed for the brain to rewire.

Second: memes saying such, minimize legitimate illness.
They add to the stigma instead of helping break it down.
They isolate those suffering and quiet their voice when sometimes they need to be heard, for fear of judgment.

By saying  that nature  (or anything else, this is one of many examples ) is an anti depressant, you are implying  (maybe not intentionally) that anything else is horrible. Implying that depression and mental illness are blown out of proportion, that it’s not that bad, and that it’s not real.
I assure you folks,it’s real, it’s far from blown out of proportion and it sucks.

I know, I’ve heard it many times, “they’re just pictures/quotes/memes, don’t let it bother you “.

But it does, and I’m not alone.

Here’s the thing.

No 2 people, even with the same diagnosis, are alike.

Some find walks,  meditation, oils,natural supplements,vitimins,etc to be just what the doctor ordered.

Great.

For many, like my dude; nature is absolutely 100% Beneficial and helpful. But the vitamins, supplements and everything else I’ve been told will cure my child by well meaning home based sales, reacts within him horribly and causes more harm.
I’m sorry but after some horrible mental reactions to such, I’m sticking with science on this one.
And here’s a little news flash. For some there simply is no cure. And  treating mental illness is a pretty complex, there’s numerous components.

My point yet again is, everyone is different.

Do what YOU need to do to be as well as you can be.
Go for a walk. Meditate. Take your supplements. Rub on your oils. Take your meds.

I don’t care. Just be well.