Archive for September, 2017

Dear Me. 

September 26, 2017

If someone had told 15 year old me who I would be 22 years later I would laughed or more than likely punched them for suggesting I would be something I wasn’t right at that moment. 

Dear 15 year old me,

Be you. Just you. Simple as that. You are  enough. And one day people will realize that, most of all you will! One day you will know that you are fine, just the way you are. You will embrace and accept that you are unique, feel deeply, and your giving a shit is actually ok. That you are good enough. 
Let it go. Let the worlds expectations of you go. Let the anger about them go. Ignore the comparisons to others. Don’t let them consume you and make you bitter. Let go of the idea you must fit into a mould or a box. Smash the damn box and stand up tall.

Use your voice. Not your fists. Settle down with the punches. You have voice, a strong one, use it instead. Use it with kindness and acceptance and grace. Your voice will serve you well. Better than your fists.

You are not dumb! I know, I know you feel stupid, alot of the time. You are deemed lazy and blah blah blah. You are not! You are smarter than almost anyone has given you credit for. Don’t carry the burden of that stereotype with you, or any of the other ones either. One day you will realize just how smart you are. It may be when you turn 40 or 50 or 70, but you are not dumb. Not now, not before and not in the future. Don’t ever doubt yourself. 

Accept the bad, the good and the ugly. Life is going to throw you curve balls. Lots of them. You are going to scream and cry and feel completely lost. You are going to question if it’s worth it, I promise you it is. All of those tears, frustrating and make no sense times will be a part of your story, they will help you become a better person and show you that life is hard but beautiful. The bad and the ugly often bring the most beautiful.

Smile. Smile a bit more. Life will give you plenty to frown about, so remember to smile at the little things, because even those little smiles are important, somewhere along the way you will realize they’re actually the most important. Life will bring you tears, but oh will it bring you joy. So much joy. 

Hang in there. Life is about to get crazy. Hang in there. Lean on your parents, and family. They are there. Always. You are going to be ok. You are going to be more than ok. You are going to be just fine.

Sincerely,

Kind of an adult you. 

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Take me to sesame street! 

September 1, 2017

I remember when my biggest question was how do I get to sesame street? That and who the hell was that creep pokaroo?

Years later I have a far bigger question :

How did we get here?

*How did I end up with 2 teenagers?  How did we survive and persevere the years gone by and land on our feet?  How did we navigate health issues that appeared insurmountable of our son as young parents? How did we manage to turn out better than we would have imagined. I don’t remember getting here. 

*How did our world turn into what it is? Full of so so much good, but mixed with a hate I’d wished to never see in my lifetime, and certainly did not expect to witness a rising of. What the hell happened doesn’t begin to cover my feelings on current events. I had hoped certain human rights issues would continue to evolve in a positive way, instead I find myself dumbfounded by the opposite. When and why did this all happen? Why is it remotely acceptable?

* When did I become a freaking adult? I won’t say responsible because that’s dependent on the day. But seriously. When did I grow up? 9 years into running a business, 16 years into being a mom and 17 years into being a wife and I can’t help question the sanity of actual responsible adults in my life trusting me with this stuff. It’s almost like I have a clue. And I almost feel like I have them all tricked. Me, in charge of anything? Ha! I suppose maybe I am smarter than I or the majority of people give me credit for? None the less I still can’t figure out how I got here. Tome warp possibly? 

Obviously I need to turn off my brain but most of all I still need to figure out how to get to sesame street!