Posts Tagged ‘daily life’

Beautiful weeds.

September 27, 2015

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Some weeds are beautiful!

I have always accepted that my kids are themselves, from day one. They are their own person, ones I am here to support, guide and love but the day they were born I knew that it wasn’t my job to tell them who or what to be.
I love their uniqueness, their character and their individuality! And I love that they are who they are, not what society, or I say they should be.

With being a weed though can come some lonely times.  When you live in a small town, it can be difficult to find like minded peers, it can be pretty hard not being a bloom in a row. And be the weed growing outside the lines.

Dude is doing school from home this year, and his best friends are on the other side of the computer screen.  He misses his friends from school, and that was the toughest part of his decision, leaving his peers who accepted and liked him, uniqueness and all.

I’ve struggled for years with the sadness that comes when your child says he has only one or two friends, and how it hurts a heart when that number drops. I just can’t wrap my head around it, I had tons of friends even if I was a weed, so it broke/breaks my heart that not everyone does.

The truth is though, this is a blip in time one day soon he will find out there’s so many weeds, beautiful, unique weeds that he will fit with!

It bothered me at first that his closest friends were ones he can’t physically see, I couldn’t wrap my head around how you can be so close to people you’ve never met. It boggled my mind.

It’s something many won’t agree with us on, to much screen time blah blah blah.
But here’s the thing, when your child has one maybe two friends, ones he doesn’t see often, I ask you what would you suggest?
When you have a wonderful weed that instead of looking closely at people just pick, how would you handle it?
You would probably be slowly coming to the same conclusion as I.
That even if we don’t understand the weeds ways, if they work, who are we to say they’re not ok?!

As this group of friends grows closer, and we parents chat with them, I’ve come to realize that these kids are weeds in their world’s, but together they’re a beautiful garden.
When dude explained that they make him feel confident, secure and accepted, I couldn’t help but be thankful.

We are in a different age than I was as a teen, than you were or our parents.

And I have come to realize I don’t care if friends are on the other side of the screen, I don’t care if they can come over and watch a movie.
I care that my child is interacting, laughing and able to be himself in a garden of weeds, instead of having to pretend to be a flower in a row. I am thankful that technology allows for friendship to flourish no matter where you live.

And if that’s not enough, him saying he hasn’t felt this good in years is. Funny thing what acceptance will do.

Yes weeds are beautiful!

*please note that I am not suggesting free reign to children and youth online. We closely monitor everything and recommend the same for parents.

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Back to school. Love mom.

August 27, 2015

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Next week you’ll be opening those big metal doors of a new school year.
Your backpacks and doors won’t be the only thing that is heavy and loaded down.
You will be full of nerves, excitement, uneasiness and happiness.
I want you to remember a few things, not just on this first day, but every day of the school year.

1. You are good enough! As you sift through the unsteadiness that comes with not seeing your peers, and the worries that come a long with not knowing if your friends from last year will still be your friends this year. As you walk into the new classroom with a new teacher and slowly take those steps to the new desk. And your tummy is in knots not knowing if anyone will talk to you. Know that you are good enough. And every other kid is feeling the same.

2. I don’t care about the other kids. OK I do, but please please don’t compare yourself to them.  I am not worried about what Suzy got on the test, I am not worried that your mark was lower. I’m not worried about Johnny being a math whiz, but you don’t get it. I’m not worried about the game being lost, or won. Did YOU try? Did YOU do YOUR best? That’s all I care about. You have your own talents and gifts, as everyone in your class does. Focus on YOUR talents and gifts while cheering on your peers in theirs. There’s so much more to life than classmate competition, others successes don’t take away from yours, be proud of yourself and your friends!

3.  Be kind. Be yourself. Be good.
You are perfectly you. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Embrace and encourage the differences that others are. Don’t get sucked into the he said, she said crap. Don’t say anything you wouldn’t want being shared with the person you said it about, and you won’t have to worry. Be kind, to everyone. You don’t have to agree or even like everyone, but that doesn’t give you the right to be cruel. Same goes for others to you. And if they are? Hold your head high, walk away and talk to us. Same goes for the teachers. I assure you that you’re not going to love them all, or always like what they have to say. That’s OK. But you don’t get to back talk or be rude. They are a) the adult and you will respect them b) they are there to help you, use that. And appreciate and respect that and them, they are your biggest resources!

Love you and don’t ever forget that!

From caterpillar to butterfly.

August 18, 2015

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Just like that, those 8 seconds are gone. I’ve missed writing, but so enjoyed those moments of just being.

As my boy plugs through this life that so “kindly” cocoons at every corner he turns, I’m amazed often at how he works desperately to knock them off and fly.
His life is a constant caterpillar /butterfly effect. And that quite frankly sucks. But the beauty is so worth it. Those moments of anguish and pain are out weighed by those of pure and simple joy.

I look back 10 years ago, then 5, then 3, heck even that many months and I am amazed at where we are today.

Don’t get me wrong, bipolar definitely still lives here, anxiety and ptsd still reside in our walls, they’re not going anywhere. What amazes me is his acceptance, understanding and knowledge of each and how damn hard he works to overcome them. And how doing so has changed not only his life but ours.

For a 14 year old those things are astounding.
The fact that he can now tell us what he needs (to be left alone, a walk, to talk etc) depending on his mood has been a huge shift! The fact that he is able almost all the time to describe his moods (and if they’re just a bad day or cycles) is monumental in our world.

Often this summer I’ve watched him battle, literally you can see it on his face, to overcome and ultimately conquer things he would have easily avoided in the past.
It’s exhausting for him, and it’s heartbreaking for us to let him break those walls without being able to help. Wishing so bad that it could be easier, wishing so bad he could conquer the things that are so minimal to most, yet monumentus to him.
Watching the cautious steps he takes forward in his unsure steps makes my heart smile.

A lot of it has to do with having accepting and kind people around (even strangers!) while he’s taking them. The little words of encouragement from those who don’t even know our story, the family that just simply let’s him be until he figures it out , no pressure, and the people who actually make an effort to see past an illness that a) makes first moments sometimes a bit shaky and b)even when or if they don’t understand  they make no assumption or judgement based on an obviously big kid full of nerves they’ve never met but instead of an odd look they give a smile. And those that do know our story and don’t care, or do care enough to look past it, and realize there’s so much more to the kid than an illness.   His knocking those cocoons off isn’t nearly as difficult with you along the way.

But he continues to overcome the caterpillar and soar, and we’re proud. As so many parents are proud of the trophies and medals, we are proud of the simple things taken for granted.

Typically after the “butterfly” moment, we endure a week of the return of the “caterpillar”. But I will take all the caterpillars in the world for an hour with the butterfly!

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8 seconds in the clearing.

July 4, 2015

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Bestkids will not be blogging much this summer. I suggest you do the same.

Summer is likely the calmest most peaceful time of year for dude. His cycles lessen, his smiles increase, his peace arrives. Which means taking a moment to enjoy the closest possible thing to normal our family has.  Without the added pressures and triggers of school, homework and appointments we enjoy the peace and the relaxed calm of what is summer.

For the past 8 years, starting with the summer dude was being tested, poked and prodded, the kids and I have packed our bags at the end of June and headed for our paradise. It sits in a clearing at my parents, not far from town, so it’s possible for us to escape from reality while still being able to take part in it during the work day.

This clearing is our little piece of heaven.

For the first 5 summers rumour had it my best half and I were splitting. I think after 5 years the rumour mill figured out how odd it was for a couple to separate every year for two months (by the way we see each other almost daily).  No it wasn’t my best half we needed to get away from, it was everything else. It is the constant go, go, go of life in 2015 we need a break from.

Dude and his sister love nature. Waking up to birds and crickets is far more peaceful than cars and lawn mowers. And with the turmoil that our life sometimes is, we need that. We need to walk under the trees, look at the stars, put our feet in the pool and breathe, with no one watching and no one listening. We all need our safe haven and dude’s (and mine) is in that clearing. The clearing for two months fills my need for quiet and calm to get through ten months of chaos.

We are beyond lucky to have our piece of heaven so near to home, but I promise you can find yours almost anywhere. Even if it’s just for a couple days. Find that clearing, walk under the trees, look at the stars and just breathe.

I run an increasingly busy little business. And with running a small business comes doing whatever, whenever you can to help customers, even if it means after hours ice creams or early morning flowers, I love it and am typically glad to do it! My business is a pretty big part of my heart, one that comes above almost anything. I like to give, and to help and to do the little things that make a difference, those little things make my heart happy.
It comes above everything, but my kids that is.

As we settled into the clearing this year, I looked at my kids and and realized that 8 years have gone by in 8 seconds. And in 8 more seconds they will be grown. And so for this 8 seconds I am determined to enjoy our moments in the clearing. I am determined to take my full two days a week during the summer (because holidays and business don’t mix) or as much of them as possible,  and cherish the little moments, our moments. Chances of my answering the phone, returning messages and checking Facebook, or blogging will be slim for two days a week. And I encourage everyone to do the same for the peace, the calm and the quiet. Because before you know it these 8 seconds will have passed.

I’m not doing this just because the cell service is iffy in our clearing, but because I’ll be enjoying the clearing for the next 8 seconds.

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Don’t tell my kids…

August 18, 2014

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Don’t tell my kids  but I hate school more as a parent than as a kid.
I don’t care how frilly and froo frooed they make the damn commercials. I hate it.
Ya ya I know education is important, hence why my kids can’t know how I feel. For 10 months out of 12 I lie.

I fight with my high needs kid every morning. The stress almost every morning leaves me exhausted and close to if not in tears. 
For 4 years I was up against daily bs, and it quite frankly made me hate school even more.
Though those years are gone,  getting him there and managing cycles in a stressful, pressure situation still sucks. I find myself holding my breath for 7 hours Mon to Fri. It’s not cool.
Good thing his sister is easier to get to go,  though I never know what she’s wearing or eaten because Lord knows it’s not what I’ve laid out!

I hate lunches, no matter how fancy pants they make the lunch kits and snacks. Blah. Trying to feed my kids through a lunch kit is painful.

The routine is nice,  but even then there’s the bed time fights.  Brush your teeth, have your shower, read your book. No wonder I drive them crazy, mommy broken record is my new name.

And home work, worst thing ever! Not only can I not do the current grade 6 math, I am quite often exhausted and any and all homework is almost guaranteed to result in tears, theirs or mine.

I admit I am a bit of a slacker mom in the studying department. I put in a heroic effort to remind them and help, but by December either they forget or I forget to ask. Come January you’re lucky if I checked the agenda once a week.
Thank God my girl likes to achieve honours and takes pride in her work, or I think we’d be expelled. The whole family would be booted if they went by this mom.

I also quite enjoy having my kids home, the slower pace, the no time lines. And the happier kids.

I am p’oed in 2 weeks I have to suck it up.
And I will, as most mom’s do because I know how important school is. I will go to  a zillion meetings, and fight every morning, make the stupid lunches, and battle the homework battle because I know that I want my kids to succeed.
But I’m not gonna be happy about it!
But don’t tell my kids.

Determination

August 8, 2014

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So today my little spitfire is riding her first dressage horse show.
Don’t ask me to explain, I have no idea. All I know is in the last 2 months with the help of mama m and Nana my girl has gone from an unsure, never ever gonna ride English rider to a confident, impressive one! As she was full of nerves while polishing her boots this morning I told her, it’s not about how well you do, it’s about doing it!
Those words got me reflecting.  I’m the opposite of a risk taker! And often I watch my young 10 year old in a world of unknowns, step in and raise hell doing it.
She amazes me! She is extremely inpatient and hard on herself.  Her temper flares when she’s not perfect right now! But she doesn’t quit (I always did of it didn’t come easy; )) she is a force to be reckoned with, a young girls with a mind of her own. Determination and grit like no one I know.  She drives me crazy a lot. But I know these qualities will serve her well.
She is utterly and completely her. And she could care less what other’s think.
It took me 33 years to accept what she has in 10!
I had someone say to me, she has a good role model.  I laughed it off, made a joke and carried on.  Because i don’t think of myself as that. I’m just mom, and I definitely don’t show horses! And again I do not take risks!
Then I sat this morning and thought.  I guess I have passed on the determination, stubborn general.  When I want to do something I’m gonna do it.  I guess without determination I wouldn’t have a full fledged business.  I wouldn’t have taught myself from scratch to be a florist.  I wouldn’t have gotten results for dude. I would probably still be taking orders from someone else, have not the best treatments for my son. And pretty miserable children.
So Yes I suppose she gets it from me. Though I wish at 10, I knew what she does!
Determination has brought me to a place o never thought I would be. It has made me the mother I am. The businesswoman I am. And the wife I am.
Giving up is ever an option. And if you ask anyone that knows us, Yes around here it’s maybe just a little bit of like mother like daughter!

To close to see.

July 18, 2014

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Said it before, I’ll say it again.  Sometimes this mom is a slow learner!
This last couple weeks have progressively gotten worse for dude. Typical day has been:
Wake up extremely hyper.  To the point of no calm amongst the crazy.
Head slowly into beyond irritable.
Pull out of cranky just in time to hit major depression mode.
Bed time.
First we try for a few days to monitor what foods are eaten. 
Then we try to see what trigger there’s been.
Ya nothing!
But I still try to come up with something, because I’m stubborn like that!
It never fails that someone else has to say to me “do you think it could be meds? Time to have a check in? ”
Well duh!  The kids growing like a weed, hormones are bounding, and yet it takes absolute crisis to hit for me to remember what we’re dealing with!
In my last post I shared about bipolar not being seasonal.  Yet I still forget.
Change and new things can trigger cycles. So I wasn’t surprised that was the first question asked .
I learned long long ago that routine is critical to my child’s well being.
So we don’t stray to far from it. Even if it’s holidays.  Even if that makes us boring.  It is what it is.
Plus I run my own florist/coffee shop, so holidays are unheard of.
So my answer to change in routine is always a big fat nope.
We discussed some new irrational fears that have popped up, ones that if you live in Alberta make life miserable in the summer!
Mainly bugs.  None of us are huge fans. But dude’s had increased to the point of panic attacks, keeping him from his favorite summer activities.  We have since almost conquered them, thank God!
It was very obvious through the appointment to all there, that the lovely rapid cycles had returned.
Dude did pretty damn good explaining them.  That and he rocked the entire appointment,  which is a sign.
The thing is dude knows when he needs a big appointment, he’ll ask for it even.
But he hates them! He’s petrified every appointment will lead back to the hospital.
A very real fear,  and one I can’t promise won’t happen.
So we truck along, and cross our fingers that that day won’t come again for quite some time.
And maybe one day I won’t need someone on the outside to remind me of thing’s.  Then again I need to give myself a break and remember sometimes the people closet don’t notice the changes as fast, and sometimes we want it to be anything but the dreaded illness.