Posts Tagged ‘lessons’

Back to school. Love mom.

August 27, 2015


Next week you’ll be opening those big metal doors of a new school year.
Your backpacks and doors won’t be the only thing that is heavy and loaded down.
You will be full of nerves, excitement, uneasiness and happiness.
I want you to remember a few things, not just on this first day, but every day of the school year.

1. You are good enough! As you sift through the unsteadiness that comes with not seeing your peers, and the worries that come a long with not knowing if your friends from last year will still be your friends this year. As you walk into the new classroom with a new teacher and slowly take those steps to the new desk. And your tummy is in knots not knowing if anyone will talk to you. Know that you are good enough. And every other kid is feeling the same.

2. I don’t care about the other kids. OK I do, but please please don’t compare yourself to them.  I am not worried about what Suzy got on the test, I am not worried that your mark was lower. I’m not worried about Johnny being a math whiz, but you don’t get it. I’m not worried about the game being lost, or won. Did YOU try? Did YOU do YOUR best? That’s all I care about. You have your own talents and gifts, as everyone in your class does. Focus on YOUR talents and gifts while cheering on your peers in theirs. There’s so much more to life than classmate competition, others successes don’t take away from yours, be proud of yourself and your friends!

3.  Be kind. Be yourself. Be good.
You are perfectly you. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Embrace and encourage the differences that others are. Don’t get sucked into the he said, she said crap. Don’t say anything you wouldn’t want being shared with the person you said it about, and you won’t have to worry. Be kind, to everyone. You don’t have to agree or even like everyone, but that doesn’t give you the right to be cruel. Same goes for others to you. And if they are? Hold your head high, walk away and talk to us. Same goes for the teachers. I assure you that you’re not going to love them all, or always like what they have to say. That’s OK. But you don’t get to back talk or be rude. They are a) the adult and you will respect them b) they are there to help you, use that. And appreciate and respect that and them, they are your biggest resources!

Love you and don’t ever forget that!


The Jones don’t matter.

April 7, 2015


Doesn’t this quote just sum it up?
I often find myself trying to justify my decisions. And why? For who?
Yet I’m as often telling others not to, that they owe no one an explanation. To do what is right or best for them.

Is it human nature? Or just my personality? I’m a people pleaser.
At the end of the day, does it really matter what the Jones think? How they perceive you?

Well of course it does. To some extent. But it shouldn’t as much as many of us think it does.

My husband for example has more of a take it or leave it, I don’t have to explain it to you, attitude. He could care less what the Jones think, because they’re not us and we’re not them.
Which balances out my need to over explain everything. Just ask my kids.

And when it comes to my children, my parenting choices and so on I find myself to often giving explanation, even to those who don’t deserve one.
I think part of it comes from constantly questioned for my choices, particularly for my child who struggles with life. Constantly having to defend my child and our family choices, constantly having people in public watch your child and constantly feeling like you’re an outsider to the main stream in the parenting department.

But I ask again, does it matter?

Are my children happy, as healthy as possible and kind, caring and giving ? Is my marriage solid and secure? Yes, yes, yes and yes!
I must remind myself those are what’s important.
Not if ms. Jones thinks I feed my kid to much candy , or Mr Jones thinks I don’t drive a nice enough car, or they think I’m not hard enough or to hard on my kids, and definitely not if Mrs Jones thinks that the treatment plan for my child is correct.
Truth is the Jones don’t matter quite as much as what people think. And their perceptions are frequently incorrect.
Because perceptions aren’t always reality. And sometimes perceptions are total reality. Because I have learned ones perception is their reality, which maybe is why I try to change perceptions in certain circumstances.

But at the end of the day it doesn’t matter what the Jones think!
If you’re happy, be happy.

Lessons from grandpa

January 5, 2015


My grandpa was my hero and I his little  angel.
12 years have passed since I lost one of the most influential people in my life. My grandpa would be celebrating his 100 th birthday this month, one special occasion we shared. 

The man should have never made it to where he did (being highly premature in 1915 was not what it is today, fighting the front lines of the entire second world war was almost unheard of) but in doing so he brought so much to so many. My Grandpa taught me many many lessons.  Most of which can be transferred to all parts of life.

1. Humour : laugh. ALOT. At funny things but also yourself.  Laughing at yourself, your mistakes, your comical errors will lessen the load.  Life can be funny,make it so.

2.  Tell your story: The only thing my grandpa didn’t speak of often was his war years.  Otherwise the man told stories and shared memories, always! Those stories and memories gave me a huge appreciation for years passed, what hard times really mean, and that everyone has a story to share, everyone has been through tragedies, and we are not here to lessen them, judge or criticize.
We all have a voice, use it and use it wisely.

3.   Friendliness/kindness :One of my fondest memories is morning coffee at the local coffee shop every morning to enjoy a hot chocolate with the farmers and the wives, and the trips tucked in the back seat to the nearest city for Sunday trips during my visits.  Both entailed meeting friends and strangers alike. And strangers become friends. Smile at people, start a conversation, it may just be the best thing you’ve done in a while. I never heard the man dismiss someone or be rude.  He taught me to be kind, to everyone until proven otherwise, then still be kind.

4. Commitment.  This is from both grandpa and grandma.  Don’t just walk away from a marriage, home, friendship because this moment is tough.  When you make a commitment, follow through. My grandpa returned from war, married grandma and brought baggage like most of us would turn away from.  She stood by him, loved him and truly was his better half.  He was the oldest home dialysis patient in Canada.  Three times a day those two would sit down for the treatment, grandma administrating, grandpa talking.  They taught me perseverance and strength, that even during the bad there can be wonderful.  All because of a commitment they took seriously.

5. Hard work: the man worked hard. I often sat in his workshop while he tinkered.  The smell of sawdust still tears me up.  Sure by this time he was retired, but his hands were never idle.  He taught me to take pride in my work and in myself.  He taught me I was good enough, smart enough and determined enough to do whatever I wanted to do. The quiet moments we shared puttering were some of the best and carried the biggest lessons of all.  He believed in me, trusted me and showed me that giving up was never an option.

6. Take time for yourself : grandpa loved his naps, his cartoons and his wood shop.  I believe that those moments were his and his alone.  Time to think, ponder, reflect. He genuinely liked his own company. I watched and learned that no matter what is going on, it is perfectly acceptable to take that myself moment.  To say no, to rest when you need and to enjoy your own company, so you can be the best you. Heck if you don’t like yourself it’s kind of hard for others to!

7. Be you : my grandpa taught me that being me was enough.  Even if it took me a while to get it.  He always always accepted not only me for me, but others as well just the way we were.  He didn’t care what colour you were, what size you wore, how many degrees you held, or how much money you had.  He only cared if you were decent and kind. And when you messed that up, he still liked ya! He loved me enough to prove to me that I was loved, unconditionally, for always.

Yes lessons learned from grandpa are some of life’s best lessons.


Grandma, you taught me…

September 15, 2014


What I wouldn’t give for a little longer.
September seems to still suck after five long years.
I can’t believe it’s been that long.
Some days I smile just by simply thinking of how you’d react to something. How you are chuckling at you’re girl. How you’re wrapping your boy in hugs. How much you would love this,  hate that.

Grandma you taught me…
To say what I mean, and mean what I say.
To hug tight and cry hard.
To be my child’s biggest protection. To be their soft place.
To be open. 
To enjoy the sunshine. And naps!
To be graceful and grateful.
To listen carefully, and enjoy the stories.
To be who I am. And if they don’t like it, someone loves me anyway.
To be proud.
To savor good coffee, and dump the crappy stuff down the drain!
To respect, but not to be trampled on.
To embrace change and differences, even if we don’t like it.
To laugh at myself.
To enjoy a good TV show.
That eating cheesecake for breakfast is perfectly acceptable.
That Kahlua in your coffee when you’re struggling is just fine!
That butter is really good for you, so is candy and bread is a main food group!
That life is to short to hold a grudge.
To shop local as much as you can. But to have fun when taking a road trip. And yes giving the finger to asshole driver’s is again acceptable.
That shit happens, and then you carry on.
That being kind is always worth it.
That I married someone pretty awesome, and to cherish him.
You taught me to love life.
Taught me to take the bad and make it good.
Taught me I am somebody and I’m good enough.
Your words and your hugs are missed.  Your heart and your humour remain my best memories.
Today I’ll have an amaretto coffee and continue to remember my very best friend.