Life long Student.

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I’m a student. In the last 7 years I’ve learned more than I thought this girl could. I struggled through school, so the fact that I’ve continued and retained such crucial information shocks me!

I was the student that the teachers gave a 51% in in man subjects so I could pass. I grew up in the 80’s and 90’s when things weren’t as well known. I was diagnosed with ADHD as a 17 year old. It made a difference, to bad we didn’t know earlier 😉  

The point is I wasn’t a great student, mediocre unless it involved writing. My brain doesn’t retain a whole bunch, I’m a bit forgetful, etc. But as a parent man have I had to learn. Who knew as a parent you’d have so many lessons?

On the cusp of a major diagnosis for Dude, I find myself back in the desk, pen to the paper. I’m a huge believer in arming myself with information in order to help him. I refuse to just type in “X disorder” in the search bar. I am lucky that plenty of reliable books and sites have been recommended to us. 

The binders in my brain are full: anxiety, depression, odd,odd,SPD,DCD and so on. At any given time I flip through the page to figure out where this behavior belongs, that one belongs, ok not there move on to the next binder. It’s constant, literally second by second. Throw into that typical  child/pre teen behavior, and it gets just a bit confusing. There’s a lots of advice from every which direction on parenting a typical child. Trust me I’ve heard plenty, but Dude isn’t a typical kid. Parent’s of typical children can’t (no fault of theirs!) Understand the juggling act that goes into parenting a special needs, mentally I’ll child. I have a really incredible circle of fellow moms that empathize, don’t judge etc, and for that I am blessed, but there’s no way they can fully understand, (oops there goes the side tracked mind 😉 ) its hard for even me to!

I had a physiologist say to me, “I can’t imagine how exhausting it must be for the family, it’s like walking on egg shells, a type rope, and no happy medium, and it’s rapid, so you are constantly changing with it!”.  

And people wonder why I go to bed when my kids do!?

And so I’ve become a better student then I ever thought possible. I have become a pretty avid student of mental health. Something I kinda wish I didn’t have to learn about, but I am.
So I learn. I learn so I can understand my son, and I learn so hopefully I can help him on his journey. I’ve had to accept some tough things along the way a) he’s a pretty sick kiddo and b) there’s not a damn thing I can do but learn.
SO I guess I am a life long student. I hope I pass…

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